I have been pregnant forever. In fact, life before pregnancy is nothing but a vague, distant memory. If it weren't for my trip to China last summer, I'm not sure there would be anything significant enough to remind me of the person I used to be. But I know there was a different person before me. I'm sure of it. For instance, I never was a person who had to deal with constipation. Seriously, I was textbook regular most of my life. Now, though, I have to pop two stool softeners a night just to keep myself out of the emergency room with unbearable pressure and cramps.
The last time I had a bout of this "crappy" condition, I found myself in the bathroom contorted into any position on the toilet that would give me some leverage. My wonderful husband who has tried to be supportive even in these moments where he never thought he would ever be, stood outside the door saying, "Honey, practice your breathing. Hee, hee, hoo, hoo! Think of it like a practice baby!"
Lately, I've been waiting miserably as the last few days have ticked by counting down to my due date. The pressure, bloating, stretching, cramps, the pushing on my bladder and other battered and beaten organs, has gotten unbearable and yet she won't come out. Chris said she just doesn't want to come out. She likes it in there, he says. "She's probably got her arms stretched out, holding on and refusing to come out. You know like when you try to shove a cat in a toilet."
I'm starting to lose hope. Maybe I actually will carry this baby for the rest of my life. I honestly can't believe she will ever come out. The day will never come and I will be miserably uncomfortable for the rest of my life. One thing is for sure. I'm really not the person I used to be and I never will be again.
Addendum: As it turns out, this was written about three hours before I went into labor. I wrote this entry on the night of September 5 and went into labor at 2am on September 6, a Sunday. Mariella Joan Siemer was born at 8:45am on Sunday, September 6, 2009, weighing 8 pounds, 9 ounces and measuring 20 inches long.
