So being pregnant with your second child makes it much harder to find time to sit down and reflect on the wonderfully creative and hilarious things that your preschooler says and does. I love writing a bout Mariella and how unique and sometimes unpredictable she is. But this last year has been very hectic. So, instead of many posts, I've accumulated a summary of many of the funny things she has said in this last year. And, now that Max is here, my pledge for 2014 is to do a better job at getting on here and writing more in depth about the crazy adventures of a mother of two. Anyway, here are some highlights of 2013:
April 5, 2013
Negotiating with a 3 year old:
Me: Do you want candy or a cookie because you can't have both.
Mariella: I want a cookie.
Me: Ok, so that means you can't have candy. So you want a cookie?
Mariella: Yes.
Me: Okay, here's your cookie. Now don't ask me for candy, okay?
Mariella: I can have candy later.
Me: No, you can have a cookie today and that's all. Maybe you can have candy tomorrow.
Mariella: Ok, I'll have candy tomorrow.
(Cookie gets eaten.)
Mariella: Mommy, I don't want a cookie, I want candy.
Me: But you already ate the cookie.
Mariella: But I don't want the cookie. I want candy.
July 4, 2013
So, the other day Mariella declared that only mommies have babies in their bellies. She told Chris that daddies and little girls don't have babies in their bellies. So Chris, trying to tease her, sticks his belly out and told her that he in fact did have a baby in his belly too. Apologetically Mariella patted his stomach and said, "No daddy, you're just fat."
July 4, 2013
Last night, Chris took Mariella to see fireworks but because of traffic after the show, they got home really late. She came in the door around 11:30pm so excited. I thought she was going to tell me how awesome the fireworks were. But instead she said, "Mommy, I'm nocturnal!"
July 6, 2013
So first let me say that I think it's amazing that a 3 year old knows all the words to at least five of the top ten hits regularly played on the radio recently, but yesterday we were in the car listening to the radio and from the back we suddenly here, "Daddy turn this up this is one of my bands!"
Nov. 11, 2013
Mariella: Mom I want to go to Juggy Jesus.
Me: Where?
Mariella: Juggy Jesus. It's where a kid can be a kid.
Me: Oh, you mean Chucky Cheese's?
Mariella: Yeah, Chucky Cheese's. It's where a kid can be a kid. I want to go there.
Dec. 21, 2013
A little too much Super Why?
Me: Mariella, please don't spill your soup.
Mariella: But I have to spill my soup. I can't help it. It's in my story.
Me: It's not in your story. You write your own story because your a little girl not a character in a book.
Mariella: No mommy, it's in my story, see? "Mariella spills her soup."
Dec. 23, 2013
Mariella: (To me as I'm getting dressed after my shower) Mommy, your boobies shake just like daddy's.
Me: (Laughing) What?? Daddy's boobies shake?
Mariella: (Whispers and giggles with her hand to her mouth) Yeah, hee, hee.
Me: No they don't! Daddy doesn't have boobies. You're silly. (He really doesn't. I don't know where she was getting this)
Mariella: Well, he doesn't really have boobies like yours. Yours are enormous!
Dec. 23, 2013
Lately, Mariella's TV privileges have opened up to include Sprout, which has commercials. Up until this year, she always only watched PBS, and so she never really saw a lot of commercials, which was great because I never liked exposure to stuff that would automatically make her think she wants it. I liked that she never saw a Barbie commercial or Pilllow Pets commercial, etc. It made life so much easier. But, we love Sprout, so I compromised. However, now she has not only viewed commercials, she has memorized them and become these companies' self appointed representative. Every day, she comes running up to me now with a very convincing sales pitch.
"Mommy, we gotta get Oxyclean."
"Why, Mariella?"
"Because it gets the tough stains out. We need that to get our tough stains out, Mommy."
"Mommy, when we put up our Christmas decorations, we need to use Command Brand."
"Oh, we do?"
"Yeah, we need to use Command Brand for all our decorating needs."
(Then she proceeds to explain to me in detail how the products work.)
"Mommy, we have to buy Gummy Vitamins."
"Really?"
"Yeah, so we don't have to have hard vitamins anymore. And they have them for adults and kids!"
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
Dog turds, Disorders & Debris
It never fails that the dogs find a way to make me work just a little bit harder, especially when I'm trying not to. Last fall, I bought them these 30 foot tie outs so they could go out the back sliding glass doors to pee. Since then, I have untangled those nice long cords at least three times a day every day. So basically, in an attempt to make my life easier by giving them some freedom, I have added approximately 1,620 extra minutes of useless work to my life. And counting. Last night, I opened the sliding doors to call Maggie back into the house after she peed. She walked toward me, tethered to her 30 foot long pain in my ass and then stopped. She sat down and looked at me helpless and expectant. She was stuck on something. Again. So I had to trudge out into the cold again to loosen her snag. When I approached her, I saw what it was. She was caught on a turd that had frozen to the concrete patio.
When I got back in the house, I caught a whiff of Mandie and it got me thinking. Mandie is like the kid at school that nobody wants to sit by. She is stinky all the time. I'm actually glad she doesn't have any little doggie friends because they'd likely make up rumors about us, like I'm an alcoholic and have men in, or we have bed bugs and lice because I never clean, or we live among large piles of trash because we cannot afford the waste removal bill.
You know, our house actually did start to resemble this scenario just last week. I threw my back out, so order and civilization in our household came to a screeching halt. Chris did his best to feed and bathe the baby, take the dogs out to pee and feed them, but it was rough going for everyone. I'd say we all barely survived Armageddon.
My room especially, at least the immediate vicinity around my bed, started to look like the inside of a crazy bag lady's grocery cart. A dish, a bra, a few half empty bottles of fluids that all serve different uses, hair pins, a razor, ice packs, tissues (mostly used), a bucket... the list goes on. Chris told me that it never takes very long after I become bed ridden for a barrier of stuff to develop around me, making it almost impossible to get to me. Maybe there's some psychology there. I don't know. What I do know is that, for about six days we were slowly sinking into a pile of items that just could not find their way home.
Finally fed up with trying repeatedly to claw my way out of a bed that resembles a tar pit, I went to join the group in the living room. It had been days since I had sat with my family on the couch for an evening of relaxation but my back was feeling better. As we sat and watched TV, one of those commercials came on, advertising a pill to cure a bodily function "discovered" by some researcher with too much time and a load of extra government grant dollars . This new disorder that has just recently been "diagnosed" is called Acute Urinary Leakage (AUL), otherwise known as "I sneezed and I pissed myself."
It's like Fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is an imaginary, or should I say "indeterminate" disease that was "discovered" when baby boomers fell into denial about the aging process. So, it's really just a fancy word for "Hey! Your body hurts because you're OLD!" So, it got me thinking. I wonder if I could come up with my own imaginary disorders. Here's some I've "discovered" so far:
1. HBD--- High Booger Density. With this disorder, there really is no light at the end of the tunnel. I mean you are really stuck between a rock and a hard place.
2. EPH--- Extroverted Pubic Hair. This is a disorder that develops when your pubes have grown out of control and peak out from the sides of your underwear.
3. HGH--- Husband Gas Hypersensitivity. This disorder occurs when the sound and smell of your husband's farts become so overwhelming to you that they can actually wake you out of a sound sleep.
4. TAS--- Trumpet Ass Syndrome. When your farts become so loud, they can wake the dead, and usually wake your wife and your daughter who sleeps two rooms away.
5. BCB--- Butt Crust Build-up. This disorder occurs when you become too fat or too crippled to reach your butt. Symptoms include no one wanting to sit next to you and a cloud of stank hovering over you at all times.
These disorders are serious, at least in our home, and we will be watching the TV, anxiously waiting for the day when an ad comes on with a pill that will save us from our anguish. Right now, we're just thankful we can finally put a name to these debilitating disorders.
When I got back in the house, I caught a whiff of Mandie and it got me thinking. Mandie is like the kid at school that nobody wants to sit by. She is stinky all the time. I'm actually glad she doesn't have any little doggie friends because they'd likely make up rumors about us, like I'm an alcoholic and have men in, or we have bed bugs and lice because I never clean, or we live among large piles of trash because we cannot afford the waste removal bill.
You know, our house actually did start to resemble this scenario just last week. I threw my back out, so order and civilization in our household came to a screeching halt. Chris did his best to feed and bathe the baby, take the dogs out to pee and feed them, but it was rough going for everyone. I'd say we all barely survived Armageddon.
My room especially, at least the immediate vicinity around my bed, started to look like the inside of a crazy bag lady's grocery cart. A dish, a bra, a few half empty bottles of fluids that all serve different uses, hair pins, a razor, ice packs, tissues (mostly used), a bucket... the list goes on. Chris told me that it never takes very long after I become bed ridden for a barrier of stuff to develop around me, making it almost impossible to get to me. Maybe there's some psychology there. I don't know. What I do know is that, for about six days we were slowly sinking into a pile of items that just could not find their way home.
Finally fed up with trying repeatedly to claw my way out of a bed that resembles a tar pit, I went to join the group in the living room. It had been days since I had sat with my family on the couch for an evening of relaxation but my back was feeling better. As we sat and watched TV, one of those commercials came on, advertising a pill to cure a bodily function "discovered" by some researcher with too much time and a load of extra government grant dollars . This new disorder that has just recently been "diagnosed" is called Acute Urinary Leakage (AUL), otherwise known as "I sneezed and I pissed myself."
It's like Fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is an imaginary, or should I say "indeterminate" disease that was "discovered" when baby boomers fell into denial about the aging process. So, it's really just a fancy word for "Hey! Your body hurts because you're OLD!" So, it got me thinking. I wonder if I could come up with my own imaginary disorders. Here's some I've "discovered" so far:
1. HBD--- High Booger Density. With this disorder, there really is no light at the end of the tunnel. I mean you are really stuck between a rock and a hard place.
2. EPH--- Extroverted Pubic Hair. This is a disorder that develops when your pubes have grown out of control and peak out from the sides of your underwear.
3. HGH--- Husband Gas Hypersensitivity. This disorder occurs when the sound and smell of your husband's farts become so overwhelming to you that they can actually wake you out of a sound sleep.
4. TAS--- Trumpet Ass Syndrome. When your farts become so loud, they can wake the dead, and usually wake your wife and your daughter who sleeps two rooms away.
5. BCB--- Butt Crust Build-up. This disorder occurs when you become too fat or too crippled to reach your butt. Symptoms include no one wanting to sit next to you and a cloud of stank hovering over you at all times.
These disorders are serious, at least in our home, and we will be watching the TV, anxiously waiting for the day when an ad comes on with a pill that will save us from our anguish. Right now, we're just thankful we can finally put a name to these debilitating disorders.
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