Mountain Pose

After searching for 30 years to find a quiet place in my life, I have found my sanctuary. It lies in the mountains outside of Beijing and it is where I do yoga with a Buddhist yogi and others from around the world. Here, there is no divorce, no alcoholism, no abandonment or broken promises. Here there is no depression or rage, no death or loss. At my sanctuary, there is no such thing as a broken heart or a sad little girl wishing her mommy was a little more stable, that her daddy was a little stronger, that her stepfather had kept his promise. There is no young woman wishing the men she once loved had been a little less cavalier, that the women who betrayed her friendship had been a little less selfish.
I love my sanctuary because here, on a beautiful mountainside overlooking the entire cityscape which is far off in the distance, I can breathe. I can sleep without dreams and nightmares chasing me. Here, I can relax and feel safe and I can trust myself and love myself and forgive......myself. There is no fighting, no hateful words, no manipulation, no betrayal. There is no judgement or criticism, no disappointment. Up until now, the only place I knew of that could provide such peace was death. But here I feel very much alive. In fact, I feel more alive than I ever do when I'm back in.....my life. One thing I have always known is that no one will ever truly know how much I have yearned for this place.
My sanctuary in the beautiful mountains of China, far, far, far away from home, from the past, is a place where the only piece of time that exists is the present. I just simply am. Nothing more, nothing less. I am the best version of myself, without the contamination of outside forces. I am pure, I am happy, I am calm, I am...........me.
Here I am surrounded by kindness and love, friendship without conditions, smiles, warmth, gentle affection and the peaceful sound of my own soft breath. My heart slows down to a drowsy pace, my body bends with flexible ease, the pollution of circumstance flows out through my pores and I exhale away all the pain.
I heard once that the past is always present if you carry it with you so I have buried it on a mountain in China, with no grave marker and I have turned and walked away. There it will stay. And my sancutary is taking its place. It is coming home with me, in my heart. I am forever changed, impervious to the usual suspects, strong now with peace in my heart and a centered sense of self that stands as strong as that mountain. I will not be torn down again.